The Awkwardness of Not Being Awkward

While I might be able to manage my way around Spain with my current Spanish level, forming a relationship with my host family is very difficult.  Everything I want to say must be translated from English to Spanish in my mind.  The stories I tell, the questions I ask, and the discussions I engage in all have to go through a language filter in my brain.  This means one thing: I have to think before I speak.
Aside from the occasional grain of intelligence in my feminist rantings, most of what I say is completely unfiltered.  But since I don't know how to talk about challenging heteronormativity through the radical reformation of confining systems in Spanish, that topic is off the table.  The rest of what I normally say is pure word vomit.  I constantly babble with no particular point or tell stories with no structured beginning, middle, or end.  I'm all over the place in conversations and rarely ever stop to think about the idiocy pouring out of me.

But isn't that a part of who I am?  Someone who can't maintain a normal conversation without spazzing out and turning one conversation into eight?  Having to think before I speak has stripped me of my entire personality.  Without my apparently insightful idiocy, how will this family get to know me?  Hopefully my Spanish will improve throughout the semester and I won't have to think so much before I speak.  Until then, this family thinks I'm quiet, unopinionated, and unoriginal.  Three words I would not use to describe myself.